missed connections

Craigslist is an interesting phenomenon. You can buy a car, rent out your basement suite, find a job or even a penis for the night (or vagina). Literally anything you could possibly ever want/need/think you want/think you need can be found on Craigslist. The thing I find most interesting about it though is the "Missed Connections" portion of the site.

For you squares who are unaware of Missed Connections, it is part of the personals section (yes, there is a personals section, no i don't know why or who... i digress) where you may post about a connection that may have been - hence the name. Consider, if you will, you are at a local coffeehouse, a beautiful man is also there, you glance at each other briefly, he doesn't notice you but you've already planned your wedding, family and retirement. But alas! He looks at his watch and realizes that he must leave in order to give blood transfusions to sickly children. Blessed saint with a marvelous ass *sigh*.

Has this happened to you? Well it has to me; but let us asses the reality of the situation. You spotted an attractive, potential soul-mate. You looked like shit, and on top of that didn't realize that you're creepy leering was the reason he left. Plus let's face it he was probably gay (please refer to my last blog), married, or a combination of the two (again refer to my last blog). See most normal people just shrug those meetings off as normal life, but for some, well they feel that it meant just a little bit more.

For these people they take the next step and decide to post these events on a Buy and Sell website in hopes that they're knight in shining armor will not only read it, but have felt the same way, and also be comfortable replying to them. It's a stretch to say the least. Here's a gem that I saw today as I was perusing the site:

"To Jewels who was the sexy woman at Urban Planet today. I was the guy waiting for his son outside changing rooms feeling all creepy LOL. "

Here's one that's a bit more aggressive:

"2 very sexy ladies tryign to get money out of the bank machine

you just came from a grad reunion
one was wearing a black and green dress
the other in a hot see thru black blouse and jeans

what did you show me
how much money were we able to get

id love to talk"

Now, I feel like if you're gonna take the time to write a post on Missed Connections, you don't have the right to be picky. What if I got all hot and bothered while reading this? What if I was to want to talk to you? This guy would turn that down because I couldn't answer his ambiguous questions?

Now, for my devoted readers, I know you are wondering why I'm writing this... what could this possibly have to do with Angela? Well, one fateful afternoon I was reading Missed Connections and read one about myself.

Unfortunately, I did not have the brains to save the post, but I think I remember the general idea of it. I was watching tv with my little sis while on the computer and notice an "MC" about the liquor store where I work. Giddy with the idea that it may very well be about someone I know, I clicked on it. It said something like, "It was a Sunday afternoon, you were restocking wines. You looked Mexican or perhaps Middle Eastern and you were the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I didn't want to bother you because you looked busy. I hope you remember me; I was wearing a black coat."

You may wonder why I remember this so well. To that I say, fuck off. If you found one posted about you, you'd memorize it too.

Anyhow, can we just talk about a few things? "Mexican or perhaps Middle Eastern"? Was that the best way to describe me? Ironically as soon as I read that I knew instantly it was about me. "I was wearing a black coat"? Thanks man, no one else wears the color black, so I clearly remember you. And the most glaring issue, umm... you know where I work. If you feel that connected to me, can't you just come back and visit me? Not that I would want that, but it's less desperate.

So there you have it kids, another skin-crawling tale from my life. Yes this is real and no I don't do mind altering drugs... often. And to the man who feels connected to me, please stop.

Thank-you Carrie Bradshaw

Sex and the City 2 came out a few weeks ago and women have been flocking to get cosmos and see the movie. I was a huge fan of the show. And if there is one thing Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte have taught this unfortunate soul, its that the dating game can be a bitch.

I'm single. I actually love it. But that is not to say that a little attention from the opposite sex does not get my attention. However, my life never really has hitch free rides. This past week, two very attractive men came in to the liquor store that I work at. They were funny, witty and flirty. We ended up chatting and we were joking about getting trashed at family restaurants, because the drinking is wallet-friendly. One thing led to another and we made "plans" to drink at a restaurant in Langley while one of the guys was on shift as a bartender.

Let's be completely honest. I was not thinking that I had met my soulmate or anything, but the attention was nice and one of them was very good looking. I decided to take them up on their offer. I figured at best something happened, at worst I'd get a few drinks in me. So I enlisted my good friend Beth to come along.

We got to the restaurant, sat at the bar and did not see the guy who had invited me. Thinking that the plans were not in fact plans, we decided to drink and then catch the 10.20 Sex and the City movie. We figured that we didn't lose out on anything. We started with some double cocktails then saw a sign for 54 oz pitcher of Coors and wings for $20. We were sold, we each got one.

Unfortunately, we only had about 45 minutes to drink an entire pitcher of beer. At this point, you may be reading this and thinking I've lost my touch. That this story has no real point, and that I only kind of got stood up. Well here you go kids: drunkenly I asked the bartender (who loved us btw) about the other bartenders who worked there. Knowing that I must have had some sort of interest in him, said he didn't know who I was talking about, I insisted. He then had a moment of realization and said, "Oh, you might be talking about Ryan, he has a scar.... but he's gay." Unfazed, I reply, "That's ok. I was more into his friend, he was super hot." He then frowns, looks at me and describes his friend. I nod. He says, "Oh. Umm. That's his husband."

I let you have a moment to let that sink in. I thought I was being hit on. Not only was I not being hit on, but the guy was gay. Not only was he gay, but MARRIED to the other guy who I thought was hitting on me.

Beth and I looked at each other. I laughed. Beth laughed. The bartender pissed himself. I was embarrassed but too drunk to really care. So I went and saw Sex and the City 2. For that too, I was embarrassed but too drunk to really care.