it is march. time has passed. my heart is beginning to mend, and i've started looking at guys again. although this post isn't about that, its about friends.
i feel as though i'm in a crossroads concerning friends. and oddly, i never believed that these occurred. i thought that friends stay with you as long as you made the commitment. oh naive, sweet angela. it takes two to make a commitment. and when only one side is involved it becomes difficult to remain friends.
there are two main friends in question. and ironically, these two were the ones that i would have bet the house for. i've been friends with both of them through years, and crazy experiences. and it's sad to see these begin to fade.
for the first it all happened when she moved away. she decided that instead of pursuing herself she would pursue what others wanted for her. everyday this makes me sad. everyday i wish things could go back to the way they were. but they can't.
the other, she never knew who she was, and so in her journey to herself, she left those who knew her best. this makes me sick whenever it crosses my mind. i loved her dearly, but now, she's only a memory.
as cold as this may sound, this is the natural order. some people walk in and out of our lives and that is the way it is. others stick around, but most don't. i can honestly say that i try my hardest to be a good friend. i rarely talk behind my friends' backs. i am honest, open and encourage them to be the same. i want the best for the people i love, and sometimes that translates into disappointment.
yet i find myself in these places where the people i've loved most hurt me. they leave me. they decide that they no longer need me. i'm like the fucking marry poppins of friends. i fix everything and then i'm no longer needed. and honestly, it sucks. but i guess thats my lot in life. i should get used to the fact that the people i love are only a part of my life for 3 years tops and then they're on to bigger and better things.
i. remain. here. in. solitude.
