Speechless

I know that this has become a popular phrase among the dramatics of our age, but honestly fuck my life. I hate being a complainer, I really do, but think of this as more an open letter to God.

I feel like I've been mistaken for Hitler in a past life. I have no idea why things in my life always turn to shit. I try, I'm dedicated, I'm kind and fair to people, and still I get shit on.

I loved my job at the Liquor Store, it was the perfect place for a student, I could just work and not get involved in all the drama. Well not possible. My boss has it out for everyone, and even though I'm not on the chopping block yet, I will be. And that's what sucks, its like waiting for a time bomb.

I loved being a student journalist. It was like the shining light in my academic career; I felt like I was actually going places. Well again, too bad for Angela. Some people have their own ideas as to what should happen and will rig elections to get it. So now I have to quit.

I started seeing this really great guy. Super great, let myself fall for him completely. Two and a half months later, he out of the blue tells me there is someone else. I guess I can't fault him for being dishonest. He at the very least was up front about it. The thing that sucks, is that he likes me; he just is afraid of it. Fuck. See this is why I don't date. I hate to admit it, but I'm crying over a boy.

Not to mention the usual debacle that is my family. My sisters are both petty criminals, my mom is seriously sick and well yours truly gets to hold the family together. Not to mention, I have to give up a semester abroad because my family doesn't have any money. So that's great. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I'm only 22 I should have to be tied here.

All I want in life is to be free. I am not an animal that can be caged, the world is my home, not a specific city. But everything in my life is opposing me. I don't have anyone to fall back on, because I am that for everyone else. There is no one in my corner. I work full-time, I go to school full-time. All I want is to live and to love, and to maybe make some fucking money. Apparently this is to much to ask.

People ask why I don't pray. Well it's because this has been the current state of affairs my whole life. And only until recently, I prayed multiple times a day. Nothing has changed, so why waste my time? For whatever reason, I am not as liked by God as everyone else, so why care anymore?

It's really sad when you realize that the only person in life you can rely on is you. Not your friends, not your lovers, not your family. You. In the end it's only you. Maybe you and God, maybe you and you. All I know is that I've never felt so alone. I've never felt like I was spinning my wheels more. I've never wanted out so badly. I just want to be free.