Tanzania is a sleeping beast, but it has beautiful wings

I'm not sure what exactly that means, but I woke up one day in the hot African sun and had those words swirling around my head. People have been asking me questions like "did you learn a lot?" "was it eye opening?" "was it hard?". I understand that all these questions are the polite, standard questions you ask when someone returns from a Third World country but it doesn't change the fact that its annoying.

Here's a quick list of the basics of my trip to Tanzania:

1. Poverty abounds. Children begging for food is a daily sight.

2. The average temperature was 30-38

3. The national language is Swahili. I can get by speaking this language.

4. In a way it was eye-opening, however, poverty is what I study. There was little that I saw there that I was unprepared for. On the other hand, how prepared can you be?

5. Africa is as hard or easy as you want it to be. Let's remember that we are rich and white (figuratively of course) and if you want to go 5 star all the way, you can. If you want to backpack you can. Africa was as hard as I could afford... I will not say that I lived in poor conditions, because I didn't, but it had its fair share of rats and cockroaches.

6. I ate a lot of rice, goat and peas. I couldn't care less if I never ate these foods again.

7. Yes I will go back.

Thats the short list. I'll share my musings and also hilarious anecdotes as the time passes.

I'm back My Loves

Aack. Sometimes life gets in the way of all the things you mean to do. I know I haven't kept up on writing. Last post is June. Today it is January.

Weeellllll. Since we last spoke I took a quick jaunt across the world. I went to Africa. A place that I've dreamt of seeing since I first heard the opening credits of The Lion King. A reason for my absence was that in order to finance my trip I worked, from June till September, two jobs... full time. I am not sure if I've recovered from that exhaustion still.

Aside from funding my trip, I learned some valuable lessons while working my ass off. Number one: I am a workoholic. I would rather be working, or schooling, than not. I can not imagine my life not filled to the brim with meetings, assignments, deadlines... and for the moment I wouldn't have it any other way.

Number two: when I put my mind to something, I will do whatever it takes to get it done. I think that this is a good quality.

Number three: I need a higher paying job. How awesome would it have been if I had made double?

So there it is. If you're wondering how my trip was you can do one of two things:

a) ask me in person

b) keep reading

missed connections

Craigslist is an interesting phenomenon. You can buy a car, rent out your basement suite, find a job or even a penis for the night (or vagina). Literally anything you could possibly ever want/need/think you want/think you need can be found on Craigslist. The thing I find most interesting about it though is the "Missed Connections" portion of the site.

For you squares who are unaware of Missed Connections, it is part of the personals section (yes, there is a personals section, no i don't know why or who... i digress) where you may post about a connection that may have been - hence the name. Consider, if you will, you are at a local coffeehouse, a beautiful man is also there, you glance at each other briefly, he doesn't notice you but you've already planned your wedding, family and retirement. But alas! He looks at his watch and realizes that he must leave in order to give blood transfusions to sickly children. Blessed saint with a marvelous ass *sigh*.

Has this happened to you? Well it has to me; but let us asses the reality of the situation. You spotted an attractive, potential soul-mate. You looked like shit, and on top of that didn't realize that you're creepy leering was the reason he left. Plus let's face it he was probably gay (please refer to my last blog), married, or a combination of the two (again refer to my last blog). See most normal people just shrug those meetings off as normal life, but for some, well they feel that it meant just a little bit more.

For these people they take the next step and decide to post these events on a Buy and Sell website in hopes that they're knight in shining armor will not only read it, but have felt the same way, and also be comfortable replying to them. It's a stretch to say the least. Here's a gem that I saw today as I was perusing the site:

"To Jewels who was the sexy woman at Urban Planet today. I was the guy waiting for his son outside changing rooms feeling all creepy LOL. "

Here's one that's a bit more aggressive:

"2 very sexy ladies tryign to get money out of the bank machine

you just came from a grad reunion
one was wearing a black and green dress
the other in a hot see thru black blouse and jeans

what did you show me
how much money were we able to get

id love to talk"

Now, I feel like if you're gonna take the time to write a post on Missed Connections, you don't have the right to be picky. What if I got all hot and bothered while reading this? What if I was to want to talk to you? This guy would turn that down because I couldn't answer his ambiguous questions?

Now, for my devoted readers, I know you are wondering why I'm writing this... what could this possibly have to do with Angela? Well, one fateful afternoon I was reading Missed Connections and read one about myself.

Unfortunately, I did not have the brains to save the post, but I think I remember the general idea of it. I was watching tv with my little sis while on the computer and notice an "MC" about the liquor store where I work. Giddy with the idea that it may very well be about someone I know, I clicked on it. It said something like, "It was a Sunday afternoon, you were restocking wines. You looked Mexican or perhaps Middle Eastern and you were the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I didn't want to bother you because you looked busy. I hope you remember me; I was wearing a black coat."

You may wonder why I remember this so well. To that I say, fuck off. If you found one posted about you, you'd memorize it too.

Anyhow, can we just talk about a few things? "Mexican or perhaps Middle Eastern"? Was that the best way to describe me? Ironically as soon as I read that I knew instantly it was about me. "I was wearing a black coat"? Thanks man, no one else wears the color black, so I clearly remember you. And the most glaring issue, umm... you know where I work. If you feel that connected to me, can't you just come back and visit me? Not that I would want that, but it's less desperate.

So there you have it kids, another skin-crawling tale from my life. Yes this is real and no I don't do mind altering drugs... often. And to the man who feels connected to me, please stop.

Thank-you Carrie Bradshaw

Sex and the City 2 came out a few weeks ago and women have been flocking to get cosmos and see the movie. I was a huge fan of the show. And if there is one thing Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte have taught this unfortunate soul, its that the dating game can be a bitch.

I'm single. I actually love it. But that is not to say that a little attention from the opposite sex does not get my attention. However, my life never really has hitch free rides. This past week, two very attractive men came in to the liquor store that I work at. They were funny, witty and flirty. We ended up chatting and we were joking about getting trashed at family restaurants, because the drinking is wallet-friendly. One thing led to another and we made "plans" to drink at a restaurant in Langley while one of the guys was on shift as a bartender.

Let's be completely honest. I was not thinking that I had met my soulmate or anything, but the attention was nice and one of them was very good looking. I decided to take them up on their offer. I figured at best something happened, at worst I'd get a few drinks in me. So I enlisted my good friend Beth to come along.

We got to the restaurant, sat at the bar and did not see the guy who had invited me. Thinking that the plans were not in fact plans, we decided to drink and then catch the 10.20 Sex and the City movie. We figured that we didn't lose out on anything. We started with some double cocktails then saw a sign for 54 oz pitcher of Coors and wings for $20. We were sold, we each got one.

Unfortunately, we only had about 45 minutes to drink an entire pitcher of beer. At this point, you may be reading this and thinking I've lost my touch. That this story has no real point, and that I only kind of got stood up. Well here you go kids: drunkenly I asked the bartender (who loved us btw) about the other bartenders who worked there. Knowing that I must have had some sort of interest in him, said he didn't know who I was talking about, I insisted. He then had a moment of realization and said, "Oh, you might be talking about Ryan, he has a scar.... but he's gay." Unfazed, I reply, "That's ok. I was more into his friend, he was super hot." He then frowns, looks at me and describes his friend. I nod. He says, "Oh. Umm. That's his husband."

I let you have a moment to let that sink in. I thought I was being hit on. Not only was I not being hit on, but the guy was gay. Not only was he gay, but MARRIED to the other guy who I thought was hitting on me.

Beth and I looked at each other. I laughed. Beth laughed. The bartender pissed himself. I was embarrassed but too drunk to really care. So I went and saw Sex and the City 2. For that too, I was embarrassed but too drunk to really care.

thunderstruck

i've become really bad at keeping these blogs up. well for the summer i will try my hardest to be better. life keeps living and things are always changing. i still have not fully recovered from my surgery, in fact i've nearly lost all my sensation of taste... so thats fun.

partying has taken a backseat this summer to work. i will be going to kenya in september and so i need all the money i can save!

speaking of work, i recently had an experience with an employer that i pray never happens again. i got bamboozled into a telemarketing job, and then had fucked myself over with my other job so i was forced to stay. thankfully things worked out and i found another job for the summer working with 4 awesome kids. but god, 3 weeks of telemarketing has jaded me. i fucking hated it. i cried, and even had to resort to drinking on the job to cope.

ooh, i've also been to las vegas since i last wrote, me and a great friend decided on a whim to go. it was fun, but not the party we expected. in fact, i always felt judged. which was weird because people were literally too obese to walk up stairs there, and yet they judged me. i digress.

we saw thunder from down under which shockingly turned me on... a lot. maybe it was the accent or more likely, that i haven't had any male attention since december, but it def got my heart beating.

that night we went to a nightclub and i ended up getting pretty frisky on the dance floor. oh well it was vegas and i was young!

anyways that's an update.

enjoy this pic:

angela sans tonsils

well, i've just had my tonsils out and it sucks. the americana view of cartoons, flowers and popsicles is a total lie. try dehydration, pain and more pain. anyhow let's toast to the fact that it is a short-term pain for long-term benefit sort of situation.

it is march. time has passed. my heart is beginning to mend, and i've started looking at guys again. although this post isn't about that, its about friends.

i feel as though i'm in a crossroads concerning friends. and oddly, i never believed that these occurred. i thought that friends stay with you as long as you made the commitment. oh naive, sweet angela. it takes two to make a commitment. and when only one side is involved it becomes difficult to remain friends.

there are two main friends in question. and ironically, these two were the ones that i would have bet the house for. i've been friends with both of them through years, and crazy experiences. and it's sad to see these begin to fade.

for the first it all happened when she moved away. she decided that instead of pursuing herself she would pursue what others wanted for her. everyday this makes me sad. everyday i wish things could go back to the way they were. but they can't.

the other, she never knew who she was, and so in her journey to herself, she left those who knew her best. this makes me sick whenever it crosses my mind. i loved her dearly, but now, she's only a memory.

as cold as this may sound, this is the natural order. some people walk in and out of our lives and that is the way it is. others stick around, but most don't. i can honestly say that i try my hardest to be a good friend. i rarely talk behind my friends' backs. i am honest, open and encourage them to be the same. i want the best for the people i love, and sometimes that translates into disappointment.

yet i find myself in these places where the people i've loved most hurt me. they leave me. they decide that they no longer need me. i'm like the fucking marry poppins of friends. i fix everything and then i'm no longer needed. and honestly, it sucks. but i guess thats my lot in life. i should get used to the fact that the people i love are only a part of my life for 3 years tops and then they're on to bigger and better things.

i. remain. here. in. solitude.

Speechless

I know that this has become a popular phrase among the dramatics of our age, but honestly fuck my life. I hate being a complainer, I really do, but think of this as more an open letter to God.

I feel like I've been mistaken for Hitler in a past life. I have no idea why things in my life always turn to shit. I try, I'm dedicated, I'm kind and fair to people, and still I get shit on.

I loved my job at the Liquor Store, it was the perfect place for a student, I could just work and not get involved in all the drama. Well not possible. My boss has it out for everyone, and even though I'm not on the chopping block yet, I will be. And that's what sucks, its like waiting for a time bomb.

I loved being a student journalist. It was like the shining light in my academic career; I felt like I was actually going places. Well again, too bad for Angela. Some people have their own ideas as to what should happen and will rig elections to get it. So now I have to quit.

I started seeing this really great guy. Super great, let myself fall for him completely. Two and a half months later, he out of the blue tells me there is someone else. I guess I can't fault him for being dishonest. He at the very least was up front about it. The thing that sucks, is that he likes me; he just is afraid of it. Fuck. See this is why I don't date. I hate to admit it, but I'm crying over a boy.

Not to mention the usual debacle that is my family. My sisters are both petty criminals, my mom is seriously sick and well yours truly gets to hold the family together. Not to mention, I have to give up a semester abroad because my family doesn't have any money. So that's great. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I'm only 22 I should have to be tied here.

All I want in life is to be free. I am not an animal that can be caged, the world is my home, not a specific city. But everything in my life is opposing me. I don't have anyone to fall back on, because I am that for everyone else. There is no one in my corner. I work full-time, I go to school full-time. All I want is to live and to love, and to maybe make some fucking money. Apparently this is to much to ask.

People ask why I don't pray. Well it's because this has been the current state of affairs my whole life. And only until recently, I prayed multiple times a day. Nothing has changed, so why waste my time? For whatever reason, I am not as liked by God as everyone else, so why care anymore?

It's really sad when you realize that the only person in life you can rely on is you. Not your friends, not your lovers, not your family. You. In the end it's only you. Maybe you and God, maybe you and you. All I know is that I've never felt so alone. I've never felt like I was spinning my wheels more. I've never wanted out so badly. I just want to be free.